MENTAL HEALTH AND HIV FINDING ME
“My ex-boyfriend willingly and knowingly GAVE me HIV and lied for years!”
This is my story.
As I came fresh out of school at sweet sixteen, I had been thrown into the big wide world. Suddenly I thought; who am I without school? How will it be? What are the expectations of me? Who actually am I as a person? What am I going to do for a career?
I think everyone remembers and can relate to that age. It was time to grab the bull by the horns, get a job and get the second part of my life started. I managed to get a job a few months after I left school, but soon started spiralling down the mental health path even further.
It wasn’t until a few years later that my life changed even more considerably. Sexuality and mental health (Depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and trichotillomania etc) was always an issue for me during my childhood and even more as the adolescent years started coming.
Coming out as gay was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Mental health, coincided with all of this too, it was way too much for me. To me, sexuality and mental health is way more than a paragraph long. I do intend for future extensive blog posts about that and also embracing who the hell you are because why not.
My dad didn’t exactly approve with my sexuality. He wanted his son to be quote a “MAN”. He’s old school, religious and stuck in his ways. I don’t blame him at all though; it was different in his day. Coin flipped however, my mum is more than open and I can honestly say this lady has saved me multiple times in every sense. From crises, suicide attempts and even collecting me after being battered by my ex boyfriend at 5am.
I eventually met a so called “guy” when I was nineteen. This guy we will call Sap. 😉
Me and Sap were together for just over two and a half years. Sap was older, more experienced than me and also nearly thirty, he was in the military and had been in there for years. He didn’t drink, didn’t smoke and didn’t do drugs. I grew towards him due maybe to the fact he was an older figure and at that time, I respected.
From the outside it seemed good. He was the first boyfriend I had ever had. I didn’t have sex with him for a while as wanted to take things slow.
Before we became intimate he had reassured me over and over again that he had been checked out by sexual health. He actually said to me that if I’d have caught anything it would be from you. I never used protection with my boyfriend as I trusted him, we was in a serious relationship and thought I knew him. Obviously not!
So after about a year and a half together, he started getting ill quite a lot and more progressive, he was in hospital numerous times. I wasn’t always there with him as we lived 150 miles apart but I would regularly get on two trains to get to him and look after him. My mental health in this part it exacerbated as well due to anxiety from crowds, trains, the outside. Really anything that was not considered part of my flat shook the life of me.
To be continued…
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